Why be thankful anyway?

Maybe some of you spent a little time going around the table at Thanksgiving dinner sharing something you’re thankful for?

While the holiday is mostly about gorging on food and/or spending time with loved ones, there is this sweet notion of a holiday about counting our blessings and giving thanks.

I’ve taken that a step further with Month of Thanksgiving, daily reflections on things I’m grateful for. Bob Dylan has a song writing philosophy that the more personal the lyrics, the more universal they are — so instead of a generic song about heart break, he’ll write about a very specific break up — and I’ve taken that approach with my gratitude posts. Maybe sharing what I’m grateful for will connect with you and inspire you to be grateful.

But why be thankful anyway?

Here’s a snippet of a post I wrote last year, kicking off Month of Thanksgiving ’09

There’s a self-help adage that says what you focus on expands. You’ve seen it in action if you’ve ever worried some small detail until it became an irrationally large part of your waking thought. Now we’re going to do it in reverse and focus on the good.

The Providence Journal wrote:

Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, a professor who many consider to be a leading authority on the “science” of gratitude, has summarized what he considers the most significant findings of a project that he and Michael McCullough of the University of Miami conducted with a grant from the John Templeton Foundation”:

•In one experiment, adults who kept “gratitude journals” on a weekly basis exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to adults in two other groups.

•Participants who kept gratitude lists were more likely to have made progress toward important personal goals (academic, interpersonal and health based) over a two-month period, while self-guided exercises in gratitude with young adults resulted in higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy.

•Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods, are less likely to judge their own and others success in terms of possessions accumulated, and are more likely to share their possessions with others.

If you want to read more about Emmons, click here.

Kicking off Month of Thanksgiving

I'm a vegetarian so I'm more excited about the pie on Thanksgiving than the turkey. This lovely Flickr photo from waferboard has me counting down the days.

Today is the first day of November, so it’s also the first day of the Month of Thanksgiving here on Newvine Growing.

This is the second year* I’ve led up to Thanksgiving by focusing on getting myself into a thankful state, sort of like Lent aims to get Christians mindful of the celebration of Easter.

In case you missed last year’s Month of Thanksgiving, here are some of my favorite posts, all on themes related to overcoming obstacles to gratitude.

• acknowledge the things you hate and try to find something you love in each
• reflect on your regrets and give thanks for the lessons your mistakes have taught you
• try to forgive the people who’ve hurt you, or at least to find something to be grateful for in the hurt
• try to redirect your desire for things you don’t have to gratitude for things you already have
• if you’re grieving, reflect on the reasons you’re grateful to have known the loved one you’ve lost
• embrace life’s imperfections — if you throw a dinner party and it goes terribly wrong, at least you’ll get a laugh
• find time to be grateful even if you think you don’t have time to give thanks

This year I plan to use these posts a little more like a gratitude journal, sharing specific things I’m grateful for every day, in addition to writing about broad themes.

I hope you will share what you’re grateful for, as well. Share your gratitude any time you feel inspired — and look for prizes to help inspire your gratitude, too.

* Because this is the second year, AP Stylebook now says I can refer to Month of Thanksgiving as “annual.” There is no such thing as first annual.

Day 32: For every comment of gratitude, $1 to feed the hungry

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me in a Month of Thanksgiving, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 32 — the final day: For every comment of Thanksgiving, I will make a $1 donation to Feeding America

Lots of us will eat so much today that we’ll very nearly burst. Too much stuffing, one more slice of pumpkin pie. We’ll waddle to the couch and groan about our gluttony.

To remind us what a blessing it is to have enough to eat, here’s my challenge: for every comment on this blog post today about something you’re grateful for, I will donate $1 to Feeding America.

Their Web site says:

Leave a comment here about why you're grateful and I'll donate $1 to Feeding America, formerly known as Second Harvest. You can also click here to donate yourself.

Feeding America is the nation’s leading domestic hunger-relief charity.  Our mission is to feed America’s hungry through a nationwide network of member food banks and engage our country in the fight to end hunger.

Each year, the Feeding America network provides food to more than 25 million low-income people facing hunger in the United States, including more than 9 million children and nearly 3 million seniors.

Gail Godwin asked people to tweet about why they’re grateful and she got about 100 responses.

She posted them on her Inspire Me Today blog — click here to read them. She also notes some trends in the gratitude:

Over 50% of those who responded were grateful for the people in their lives- the relationships with friends and family. Nearly 20% expressed thanks for being alive and their connection to God/the Universe. Possibility, opportunity and good health were mentioned in 15% of the responses.

But what stood out to me more than what people said, is what they didn’t say. Where’s the big house and the fancy car? Where’s the 6-figure a year job? Where’s the big bank account? Less than 3% of the responses included anything related to job, work or money, yet we focus much more than 3% of our time and energy in this area!

I will be curious to see if those same trends hold here.

Need some ideas about what to give thanks for? In the past month, I’ve given thanks for my husband, my family and friends. I’ve given thanks for simple pleasures like watching dogs play at the park, I’ve given thanks for my life’s regrets because of the lessons they’ve taught me, and I’ve even tried to give thanks for the things I hate and the things I want, because of the blessings hidden in those feelings.

You can read the whole Month of Thanksgiving, or just skim it for inspiration, by clicking here.

Once you’ve got an idea or three, leave a comment below answering this question: What are you grateful for and why?

I will count the comments and for each one made by midnight Thursday, I will donate $1 to help feed America’s hungry, up to $1,000.

Day 31: How will you celebrate your gratitude tomorrow?

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me in a Month of Thanksgiving, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 31: How will you celebrate your gratitude tomorrow? Is it a long tradition or a new idea?

When I launched the Month of Thanksgiving, my motive was that although we have an annual tradition of a holiday focused on giving thanks, many of us give cursory gratitude but focus on the food, football or family drama.

I have spent this month focusing on all the reasons I have to be grateful as a way to really enter the holiday mindful of my blessings and prepared for true, meaningful thanksgiving.

What does that mean when the actual holiday arrives?

I plan to do a posterboard gratitude tree, but one blogger I found hangs her thanks on an evergreen. Click here to read her take.

Fortunately, I have indulgent hosts for Thanksgiving dinner. We have a tradition in New York of dining with a group of friends who stay put, rather than traveling to be with their families, and our hosts agreed to let me bring a little of the Month of Thanksgiving to dinner. So I plan to borrow an idea I found online — the gratitude tree.

Here’s the way it’s described on one Web site:

A gratitude tree is simply a large tree with a broad base and many branches containing colorful leaves. Each leaf has room enough to contain a short written blessing. This tree can be placed on a piece of posterboard and prominently displayed for all to see and share as family members and friends write down things in their life that they are grateful for.

On one blog I read this month, the author said she has has Thanksgiving tradition of writing one heartfelt letter of thanks and mailing it — and that she’s often been delighted by the response she gets.

What will you do on Thanksgiving to celebrate your gratitude? Is it a long-standing tradition or are you trying something new this year?

Day 30: Giving thanks, social media style

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me in a Month of Thanksgiving, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 30: Tweeting about thankfulness and getting ideas from a blog

Thanksgiving is this week and that means lots of other people are encouraging a focus on gratitude, too. The more the merrier!

To learn more about Tweetsgiving using Twitter for social good, click here.

If you spend time on microblogging site Twitter, expect to see the hashtag #tweetsgiving flying around a lot this week.

Tweetsgiving takes 140-character messages and turns them into a charity effort. On its Web site, it’s described as “ a 48-hour event created by U.S .nonprofit Epic Change will encourage participants to express their thanks using online tools and at live events. In honor of the people and things that make them grateful, guests will be invited to give to a common cause at events held across the globe.”

You can get involved by tweeting about why you’re grateful using hashtag #tweetsgiving — and don’t forget to include #monthofthanksgiving, too — and there are many more ways to participate. Click here to learn about gratitude parties and becoming a sponsor.

Life coach Cheryl Richardson plays what she calls the thank you game this week on her blog. Here’s an excerpt:

Cheryl Richardson is encouraging people to play the thank you game this week.

The object of the “Thank You Game” is to find a creative and inexpensive way to thank or acknowledge those people in your life who often get overlooked.  Here are ten examples of what you might do…

3. Speak to the boss of an administrative assistant who has provided you with exceptional care and let him or her know how great you were treated.

5. Bring a box of goodies to the post office, your local fire department, or police station, and let the employees know that you appreciate them. From what I’m told, they rarely get this kind of acknowledgment, and seeing the surprised look on their faces is so much fun!

6. Leave a larger than normal tip hidden under a cup for your favorite restaurant server.

Click through to Cheryl’s newsletter if you want to see the other seven.

Several people have already used Facebook, Twitter and their blogs to express their gratitude as part of my Month of Thanksgiving contests — click here to see some examples.

Do you want the chance to win a gratitude journal and some of my favorite things, including coffee, sweets and apples? Check out the details of the contests here.

Day 23: Share your gratitude and win prizes!

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 23: Join me in the Month of Thanksgiving and you have three chances to win prizes

With just a little more than a week between now and Thanksgiving, I hope you’re getting in a thankful state of mind.

To help inspire you a little more, I’m offering prizes. Who doesn’t love presents?

You have THREE ways to win a gratitude prize package that includes this gratitude journal. Read on to learn more.

I am giving away a whole cornucopia of Thanksgiving goodies: a gratitude journal plus tasty treats from some of my favorite Brooklyn shopping destinations, including coffee from Two for the Pot, sweets from Sahadi’s and New York apples from Fishkill Farms.

Why these particular goodies? Because they’re all things I’m grateful for so giving them to you helps remind me of my own gratitude. (It’s paying it forward, gratitudewise, like I wrote about last week.) So we all win!

All you have to do to win is share the reasons you’re grateful with the world. It can be anything from the big, significant life themes like health and family or one of life’s simple pleasures: sleeping in on Saturday, enjoying a good meal, getting a great parking spot, whatever makes you happy.

You have THREE ways to win:

1. Post something you’re grateful for as your Facebook status.

To make sure I see it, so you can be entered in the judging, either include “@Colleen Newvine” in your status, or if we aren’t Facebook friends, copy and paste your status into the comments of this blog post.

(If you haven’t used the @ designation on Facebook, here’s an article about that.)

Of course I’d love it if you linked back to this blog post so your friends know why you’re sharing your gratitude, but that’s optional.

2. Tweet something you’re grateful for on Twitter

To make sure I see it, so you can be entered in the judging, please use the hashtag #monthofthanksgiving.

You are also welcome to copy and paste your tweet into the comments of this blog post but only those using the #monthofthanksgiving hashtag will be eligible.

3. Write about something you’re grateful for on your blog.

To make sure I see it, so you can be entered in the judging, please link back to this blog post.

WordPress should automatically notify me, but if you want to make sure, you can also mention your blog in the comments of this post.

I will choose my favorites based on originality, style, emotion and anything else that catches my eye. Winners will be announced after Thanksgiving, so you’ve got plenty of time to post something good. Multiple entries are not only allowed but encouraged.

I look forward to your entries!

Day 21: Getting overwhelmed? It’s easier than it might sound

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 21: We’re three weeks in to the Month of Thanksgiving so let’s recap

Since I’m blogging new ideas and things to do each day, it might feel a bit overwhelming. If you haven’t even had a chance to read yesterday’s post and here comes a new thing to do today, and you do still have all your normal life to-dos, you could feel it’s a bit much.

So today I’m going to recap and simplify.

It’s not a new Month of Thanksgiving task every day. Many posts are building on previous thoughts, trying to find ways to keep on track or looking for inspiration when gratitude isn’t flowing.

Let’s start at the very beginning: On Oct. 26, I launched a Month of Thanksgiving. I’m blogging daily about what I’m doing to be more grateful for all my many blessings, leading up to Thanksgiving.

How can I be more grateful? One of the most common ideas I run across is keeping a gratitude journal, writing down a few things you’re grateful for every day.

• If you need inspiration about what you’re grateful for, the Love List Project can get you thinking about what makes you happy.
• Once you’ve thought of some things that make you grateful, you might enjoy sharing them on Facebook or Twitter
• You might also enjoy reflecting on why you’re grateful for each thing on your list

What if I’m not feeling grateful? We all have frustrations, regrets, people who’ve hurt us, things we wish we had or things we wish were better. If you’re feeling any of these things, try to convert them to gratitude:

• acknowledge the things you hate and try to find something you love in each
• reflect on your regrets and give thanks for the lessons your mistakes have taught you
• try to forgive the people who’ve hurt you, or at least to find something to be grateful for in the hurt
• try to redirect your desire for things you don’t have to gratitude for things you already have
• find time to be grateful even if you think you don’t have time to give thanks

Each of these isn’t necessarily a new obligation for the Month of Thanksgiving, as much as a way to break through the road blocks to gratitude.

OK, so now I’m feeling grateful. What should I do about it? If you’re getting into the habit of doing a gratitude journal, you might want to express your thanks beyond just writing it down as a personal exercise. You could:

• do a little dance
• write a thank you note
• give a gift that helps remind you of something you’re grateful for
• give and receive thanks verbally

I think it’s a little like learning to play an instrument. Each lesson builds on the last, but first you go back and practice your scales a little as a warm up and to remember how each new skill builds on previous ones.

And as a reminder from my kick off post:

Why should you do this?

There’s a self-help adage that says what you focus on expands. You’ve seen it in action if you’ve ever worried some small detail until it became an irrationally large part of your waking thought. Now we’re going to do it in reverse and focus on the good.

The Providence Journal wrote:

Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, a professor who many consider to be a leading authority on the “science” of gratitude, has summarized what he considers the most significant findings of a project that he and Michael McCullough of the University of Miami conducted with a grant from the John Templeton Foundation”:

•In one experiment, adults who kept “gratitude journals” on a weekly basis exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to adults in two other groups.

•Participants who kept gratitude lists were more likely to have made progress toward important personal goals (academic, interpersonal and health based) over a two-month period, while self-guided exercises in gratitude with young adults resulted in higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy.

•Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods, are less likely to judge their own and others success in terms of possessions accumulated, and are more likely to share their possessions with others.

Are you with me? What’s worked for you so far? What hasn’t? What would you like me to blog about in the remaining days between now and Thanksgiving?

Day 18: Thank you for your thoughts on thank yous!

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 18: Clearly my mother wasn’t the only one brainwashing kids about thank you notes

I love when a post gets people talking! Your input makes the conversation so much richer.

My post about thank you notes earlier this week — and specifically the story of how militant my mother was in enforcing writing them — drew numerous comments on Facebook. I’m sharing them here so everyone can get the wisdom of my friends:

Nayiri Mullinix my mom was similarly strict with thank you notes. at the time, i was irritated by the fact that she forced me to write them. now, i am irritated with people who neglect writing thank you notes.

 

Kristi McGarrity Robins My parents were thank you note enforcers also… have to say it rubbed off as now I make my kids do them also, the old fashioned handwritten and mailed variety! One of my pet peeves also is people who neglect writing thank you notes.

 

Barbara Carole Cain The note is a requirement and must be at least 3 sentences. If the kids were too young to write, they made a picture. It’s basic manners and I’m a believer in basic manners being used in daily life.

 

Zabrina Santiago-Lindsay Same protocols for thanks yous in the household I grew up in. So impressed upon me that if a gift has been received, I can not go to sleep at night if a thank you has not been written. I nearly hyperventilate at the thought. Am passing same etiquette down to my girls. but am hoping they don’t hyperventilate if it takes them a whole week to color and scribble pictures as thank yous! (the extent of their capacities at this point for most of them) :>)

 

Angie Lamoli Silvestry Thank you notes are not only a matter of civility, courtesy and gratitude, they are a sign of proper upbringing and good manners. My grandmother, mother and aunts were very strict over the matter. I am glad. I expect no less from my teenage daughters.

 

Is it just a coincidence that all of these comments came from women and that all the thank you note disciplinarians were mothers? Guys, do you have similar experiences?

 

And if so many of us have been taught the value of thank you notes as kids, why do many people save it for wedding and funeral etiquette?

 

Finally, chiming in on the all-female chatter was Thibault:

 

Thibault Devillers I’d rather say thank you to the people in person, it feels more true in my opinion…

 

Which is perfect foreshadowing for a post coming very soon. Thanks for setting me up, Thibault!

Day 17: Pay it forward

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 17: Give someone a gift that reminds you of your gratitude

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

~William Arthur Ward

Need help with wrapping your gifts of gratitude? Click here for gift-wrapping pointers from eHow.

This week I am looking for ways to share the things I’m grateful for. I guess that’s like the gratitude golden rule? Or paying it forward?

Usually I advocate choosing gifts with the recipient in mind — what would he or she really like?

This is a twist: giving gifts to others to help remind me what I am grateful for. Not that I won’t still think of whether the recipient will like the gift, but I’m starting from my own gratitude then seeking a good receiver for it.

For example:

• I am grateful I got a good education at Central Michigan University so I will make a donation to the journalism department there
• I am grateful my colleague, Jay, often treats me to a latte so I’ll be sure to return that favor
• I am grateful for homecooked meals in our cozy apartment so I recently cooked up a storm for an impromptu Sunday night dinner party to share a homecooked meal with friends. I’ll be looking to do that again soon.

If you’re broke, remember gifts don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. How about giving away a book or CD you already own? Or giving the gift of your time or talents?

Looking for inspiration to get you started on the gift-giving path?

• If you’d like to make a donation inspired by something you love, Charity Navigator evaluates their efficiency and effectiveness to make sure your money does what you hope it will. Here is a list of their four-star charities.
• Check out Catherine’s blog, Flamingo Room. Catherine’s been doing 29 days of giving, one of the main sources of inspiration for my Month of Thanksgiving.
• Catherine was in turn inspired by Cami Walker’s book 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life. Check out 29 Gifts to read about how gift giving wasn’t just good for the recipients but transformative for Cami.

I’m also really grateful every time I open our mailbox and find a hand-written letter, so I can combine today’s pay it forward exercise with yesterday’s plan of sending thank you letters. It’s a two for one!

What do you love that you can share with someone else? Have you felt more gratitude when you’ve given a gift to someone else?

Day 16: Saying thank you in writing

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 16: Remember when your parents would prompt you with “What do you say? Say thank you.”

My mom was the thank you note enforcer. Writing them was non negotiable.

When I graduated from high school, Mom took custody of my graduation presents. Only after I had written a thank you note could I get possession of each gift.

Crane doesn't just make lovely thank you notes -- they also offer a PDF with tips on writing thank you notes. Click here to read it.

So I admit to having a strong bias but I believe in the power of the thank you note — especially of the hand written and mailed variety.

It seems obvious to me that if someone has done something I’m grateful for, it’s a wonderful thing to say so and to say thank you. It’s one thing to make a note in my gratitude journal, which is good for my heart, but what if I can make the other person feel good, too?

Usually thank you notes are transaction specific — thanks for the gift, for inviting us to the party, for the job interview.

But this week I’m writing thank you notes for a variety of things and people I’m grateful for, even if my gratitude is big and broad or if the inspiring act was long ago.

If you stumble for the right words when you’re writing thank yous, the good folks at Write Express offer some pointers — these are just a few, you’ll find more on their site:

• Stick to the point.
• Be sincere–most people can sense when you aren’t being honest.
• Be specific and include details from the event. Make your letter stand out.
• Reaffirm your gratitude or restate the compliment.
• Close with either an expression of thanks or an indication of your intention to continue contact.

Just to get warmed up a little:

Jim Wojcik, thank you for all your wisdom and patience not only as our college newspaper adviser but also as my job placement expert and frequent career therapist. I’m not sure where I’d be professionally without you and I will be forever grateful.

Julie Peterson, thank you for hiring me to be a health writer at the University of Michigan News Service when I’d never been a medical writer in my life. You trusted me to figure it out on the job. Thank you for that chance and for showing such confidence in me.

Karen Joseph (now Johnson), thanks for being my life raft of a roommate at one of the lowest points in my life. You probably didn’t know what you were signing on for when you rented my spare bedroom but I’m grateful for the kindness and support you showed me.

Cecil Shepherd, thank you for welcoming me into the University of Michigan family in New York City. You probably more than any other person made New York seem doable for a girl who’d never moved away from her home state. Your encouragement and enthusiasm made it so much less intimidating and I’m grateful.

This week I’ll be doing some proper thank yous, with pen and paper like Mom taught me, in addition to some social media versions on Facebook and Twitter, too.

Who deserves a thank you note from you? It doesn’t have to be big life-changing events — what about the colleague who’s helped you or the neighbor who always waters the plants and gets your mail when you’re on vacation? Or maybe it is big stuff: the teacher who inspired you or the friend you couldn’t imagine life without?

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