Goin’ to New Orleans: sinking in to a city we love

Me and our super-fabulous hostess, the bride who's helping make the plan come together. Here we're toasting in her kitchen -- and we will most certainly toast her numerous times in the weeks to come. Thank you, Cara!

It all started with the idea that we might have to skip Jazz Fest this year.

While I’m getting my business off the ground, our cash flow is reduced, so we’re looking at all the expenses we can possibly trim to live within our means. We love going to the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival every spring, but it’s optional. We consoled ourselves with the knowledge we’d at least be in NOLA in March for our friends’ wedding.

But then I started putting the pieces together for an exciting little scheme:

• My new part-time role allows me to work from home, so I can do that work from anywhere there’s Internet and cell service
• Likewise, the work I’m doing for my business can be done anywhere
• John’s self employed so he can paint and do graphic design anywhere
• The bride at the wedding we’re going to in March is moving in with her groom after the wedding, leaving her cute house in the Garden District, where we’ve often stayed during Jazz Fest

We began to investigate the pieces so we could stay in New Orleans from the wedding through Jazz Fest in early May, and every sign pointed to it being a good idea:

• The bride agreed to sublet her NOLA house to us at a rate that’s less than our NYC rent, so assuming we’re able to sublet our place, we come out ahead in living expenses
• Changing our flights home from late March to early May would have cost more than $500 — but one-way tickets from New Orleans to New York in May were cheap.
• John has picked up several new design gigs in the last few weeks, which will help keep his cash flow up while we’re away
• I was worried I’d have to put piano lessons on hold — but my teacher here is on Skype and I lined up a place to practice in New Orleans. Maybe you’ve heard of Preservation Hall? I’m helping them with some marketing work around their 50th anniversary, and their marketing director said I can practice there during the day.

John made a painting that's a vision of my life -- see the music and the Mardi Gras beads? This plan is getting more of both into our lives.

Before you post a comment that says “I’m so jealous, I wish I could do that,” let me share with you an excellent blog post from Peter Shankman, founder of Help a Reporter Out. It’s headlined How to Jailbreak Your Life So You Can Live the Way You WANT and it arrived in my email this week, just as we committed to New Orleans.

It’s a long post but well worth reading if you wish you could do what we’re doing. Here are a couple of highlights:

• Is your job to be somewhere in a physical place, five out of seven days a week? If you love your job, I mean truly love your job, love the people with whom you work, love your office, love your commute, then hey, you know what? RESPECT. You’ve got it. Enjoy it, baby. You’re done with this blog post, and I give you mad, mad props. For real.
• We all need to work. We all need to make money. With the exception of trust fund babies, we all gotta find a way to make some cash and live our lives. Some people just choose to do it a different way than others. Some of us choose to work for a living, and some people choose to incorporate work into living. For the past 16 years, I’ve worked harder than almost every person I know, yet I’ve never felt like I’ve worked a day in my life.
• I will never, ever begrudge someone their fear. If what you’re doing works for you, that’s fine, but if you’re jealous, then you got a problem. See, being happy and being jealous don’t mesh. So it usually comes down to you being angry about your fear. But here’s the thing: Fear keeps us healthy. Fear keeps us alive. It’s what got us through the age of mountain lions and other big-ass animals that could have us for tea. But here’s the thing – Fear is built-in because we used to have no other options. Wanted to eat? You had to face your fear and kill something. Back in the age of the stone, Dean and Deluca didn’t exist. Fear now exists primarily to hold us back.

Are you motivated? Are you thinking of how you could ask your boss if you could work from home three weeks out of four so you could go live in your dream locale? Or contemplating how you might live someplace with a low cost of living so you can launch that business you’ve been fantasizing about?

If you aren’t now, maybe you will be in a few weeks when we start filing dispatches from New Orleans.

When I first started blogging, back in late 2005, it was to chronicle a one-month stint in NYC. John and I sublet an apartment on the upper east side to test drive living in New York, and I wanted to share the experience with friends back home. So consider this round two of sharing a cool life experience with you.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Setting my goals for 2011 as a comprehensive view of my life

This is what life life vision looks like visually, thanks to a spell painting done by my artist hubby John Tebeau.

I’ve been working on my 2011 goals for the last several weeks, a process that looks a little like doing a five-year plan for a business and a little like casting a magic spell a la The Secret.

What can I say — I’m an MBA with a belief in miracles.

I started by reflecting on my 2010 goals and how I did achieving them, by giving thanks for all I already have and by consciously calling to mind what makes me happy so I can look for ways to bring more of those happy-makers into my life.

Then working with my bestie Lara to brainstorm what would make me fulfilled and happy in the new year, I built a vision for my life.

This isn’t the same as the plan about how I’ll achieve my vision. I think of it as the address I’m typing into my life’s Mapquest — it’s the destination I’m heading to.

Fortunately I don’t think it’s a very long trip from where I am.

Are you setting goals for the new year? A new year’s resolution?

What is your process for setting your goals? What kinds of goals have you set? How do you review how you’ve done in achieving them?

Colleen’s 2011 life plan

I am filled with gratitude and appreciation when:

1.) Career

• My work is challenging, interesting and rewarding.
• I like what I do, and I like and respect my colleagues.
• I feel the work I do matters. I contribute to something that makes a difference and my efforts are appreciated.
• I work with people I enjoy professionally and personally. We value and respect each other, and there’s warmth between people.
• I learn new things and have the opportunity to bring new ideas and skills into my work.
• I am recognized for my contributions, through good pay, praise and involvement in important projects.
• My career advances consistently, allowing me to grow and develop new skills and still allowing me to keep my life in balance and keep my stress level low.
• I have a good work/life balance. I enjoy my work, but it doesn’t dominate my life.

2.) Financial

• I am well compensated for what I do, making enough money to allow for a superior quality of life and to keep putting away money in savings.
• I enjoy rich benefits — good health care, 4-6 weeks of vacation, training/education.
• John makes great money through work he loves, giving us a better lifestyle and reminding him tangibly of his talents.
• We have enough money in savings to provide for the unexpected.
• Money comes easily and frequently and we use it wisely.

3.) Relationship

• My marriage with John is fun and vibrant. We enjoy each other’s company, we make each other a priority and we show each other we love each other in big and small ways. We  are attracted to each other physically, intellectually and spiritually.
• I have close friendships that are a priority in my life. We spend time with smart, interesting, positive people who make us laugh and who inspire us. They enrich my life. They are positive people who inspire and uplift me.
• I have a close, rewarding relationship with my dad, my aunt and my cousins. I invest time in making sure they know I value them, even if I don’t see them often.

4.) Personal

• We live in a great place. The city is vibrant with much to do, rich cultural life and convenient shopping.
• We love our home. It is comfortable and relaxing and we feel at home in our neighborhood. We can afford to live in a home that suits us perfectly. We balance downtime in our nest, going out and having fun, and entertaining in our home.
• We eat well. We love to cook, we enjoy great restaurants, and as much as possible, we only spend money on dining that brings us joy.
• We travel to places we love and explore new places.
• I keep learning. I attend conferences and seminars, read books and seek out people who are on a similar path to help me stay intellectually stimulated.
• I make time for things that make me feel good: music, cooking, writing.
• I am in great health. I age gracefully and make it a priority to take care of myself.
• We consciously research the best location for our forever home to make it an ideal fit.

I am grateful for: public art

John has an art show tonight in Brooklyn and I will beam like the proud wife I am seeing his paintings showcased by ContaminateNYC.

But one of the things I love about New York is that even when you aren’t at a gallery, museum or other designated art event, you’re surrounded by art.

Last Friday we were headed to an art salon in Chelsea and on the way we walked through Madison Square Park. At first I thought this mass of white lights among the trees was holiday decorations going up, but after a minute, I figured out what it was — an installation of lights that simulates shadows of pedestrians walking by.

We enjoyed that for a bit, then continued on our way, only to stop at the nearby Flatiron Building. Colored lights projected onto this iconic building gave the illusion that it was being spray painted.

It’s not just visual arts, of course. We’re surrounded by all manner of musicians on the sidewalks, on the subway platforms, in the subway cars themselves.

A few weeks ago I was heading home from work when I heard a rockin’ brass band in Penn Station. I decided to grab a sandwich from one of the underground restaurants and sit and enjoy Underground Horns for a while.

I saw Underground Horns truly underground. Click here to listen to them on MySpace

Sprinkled in with some spectacularly talented artists and performers are those that make me laugh — like this little jazz combo I ran across.

We’ll likely go to Jalopy Theater in Brooklyn Friday to catch Baby Soda Jazz Band, which I fell in love with when I saw them playing in Penn Station about a year ago — similar to the way we became smitten with High and Mighty Brass Band when they were playing on a bench in Central Park. We’ve since paid to see High and Mighty numerous times.

Here’s Baby Soda at work …

New York certainly doesn’t have a lock on public art. Many cities, big and small, have this experience of creativity coming to you instead of waiting for you coming to it — one of John’s favorite memories of Ann Arbor was “Michael Jackson guy,” this dude who lip synched to MJ with full choreography.

So wherever you are, I hope you appreciate the people who are creating public art and making your day a little brighter.

And if you’re in New York — it’s still nice to go to art shows, so come to John’s tonight!

Opening Reception: Nov. 11th, Thursday – 7:00pm – 10:00pm
Ongoing Exhibition: Nov. 11th – Dec. 11th
Wine Tasting: Dec. 2nd, Thursday – 7:00pm – 10:00pm

@Root Hill Café
262 4th avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11215 (Map)

My Spooky Vision Board (via Anashay’s Story)

If you’re wondering if a vision board or a spell painting can influence the direction of your life — and you weren’t convinced by reading The Secret — then here’s another blogger’s tale of feeling good energy coming from a vision board.

And by the way, if you need a spell painting to help visualize your life goals, John’s available for hire to do one for you, too.

A few months back, sometime in March, I made the decision to make my vision board.  The journey actually started a little bit before that in January. In January, I came across Erin Scandalous “Get yours in 2010” video. In the video, she suggested that we write everything down that we wanted to accomplish this year.  So, after watching her video I made my list and in March I transformed that list into a vision board, after reading a blog about one … Read More

via Anashay’s Story

My vision board as a painting by my artist husband, John Tebeau

My artist husband, John Tebeau, captured my life vision in this painting.

Many people have done a vision board — you clip pictures that illustrate how you want your life to be and paste them onto poster board to hang someplace you’ll see regularly.

I recently made one that way for my Relationship Masters Academy class. I glued photos of a piano keyboard, a big kitchen full of friends and a water park to my board and hung it on my closet door.

But my husband, John Tebeau, did me one better: he captured my life vision as a painting.

What we call my wish painting or spell painting now hangs on our bedroom wall. I love it. Love it!

It includes:

• music — piano keys and actual musical notes from Fats Waller’s “This Joint is Jumpin’” and Stevie Wonder’s “My Cherie Amore”
• food and wine
• a lively party with friends
• two enormous happy dogs
• a peace dove with a fountain pen, which symbolizes writing and peace of heart and mind
• lucky cat
• Mardi Gras beads and me with my jazz fest parasol
• numerous hearts to symbolize a life filled with love
• and for you Prince fans, a bottle of Cream

I’ve done written life goals for several years but there’s something magical about the emotions that images can capture. Sometimes an idea is so abstract I feel, as a writer, only words can do it justice. But conversely, there are places in my heart that pictures touch better than words.

You know, a picture’s worth 1,000 words?

Have you done a vision board? And if you had a wish painting, what would be in it?

Yet another reason my friends are amazing

Me with the fabulous Ms. Z at the launch of her young adult novel, Donut Days.

I am really blessed to have friends who are smart, funny and inspiring — I’ve worked at cultivating relationships with people who help me be the person I want to be.

Latest case in point: young adult novelist Lara Zielin. (I blogged about Lara’s fabulous reinvention last summer)

On her blog, Lara writes:

Between now and March 27, I will donate $1 for every comment posted to this blog. $1! For every comment! The money will go to support 826michigan, an organization founded by David Eggers that’s dedicated to helping kids cultivate a love for writing. The goal is 250 comments and $250 for 826michigan.

Since writing doesn’t pay that much and I can’t fund the entire $250 solo, I’ve reached out to friends to help me with this challenge and they’ve answered the call. The first 50 comments (and $50), will come from yours truly. But after that, I have some kick-butt sponsors:

• Comments 50 to 100 are sponsored by Jim Ottaviani and Kat Hagedorn. Jim is a nonfiction comic book writer extraordinaire, and his recent book, T-Minus, about the race to the moon, was featured in the New York Times (the Times! Squee!). Kat is a pop culture maven whose book reviews and movie reviews are thoughtful and entertaining (want to see a review of The Hurt Locker in 18 words? Kat’s your gal).
• Comments 101 to 150 are sponsored by the creative team of Colleen Newvine and John Tebeau. Colleen blogs about finding meaning in your work and life, and John creates awesome artwork that adorns most walls in our house. And should adorn yours. Just saying.
• Comments 151 to 200 are sponsored by the best agent in the world, my agent, Susanna Einstein. I love her. She gets me. She also likes it when kids read and write. Win, win, win.
• Comments 210 to 250 are sponsored by Susannah Nichols, an English teacher in Southeastern Michigan and soon-to-be-finished-with-her-debut novelist. Since she’s around kids all day long (and trying to infuse them with a love of words), Susannah was totally set to support this challenge.

Lara is using her blog as a force for good and she’s recruited the rest of us to help support her in raising money for a cause she believes in. She’s getting us all to do something worthwhile we might not have otherwise done.

Meanwhile, we all help promote each other’s blogs, increasing awareness of the cool, creative things Lara and her co-sponsors are doing.

Win-win? Yeah, I think so.

What are you waiting for? Get over to Lara’s blog and leave a comment! It costs you nothing and could potentially cost me and John 50 bucks. But I’m totally OK with that.

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Paying the rent is just one way of taking care of your spouse

Much fuss was made over the January release of a Pew Research Center study showing women’s incomes had grown much faster than men’s from 1970 to 2007.

Women increasingly have more education and make more money than their husbands, the headlines shouted.

Can V-Day survive shifting roles?
For some women who earn more than their husbands, more money means more marital problems
Women approaching equality in their careers, 
literally and figuratively

That’s the case in our marriage: I have a master’s degree while John has a bachelor’s, and I earn the lion’s share of our household income.

I am friends with enough smart, ambitious women that this arrangement doesn’t seem odd to me. It does break with some deeply held stereotypes. I’m not waiting for John in pearls and heels when he drops his briefcase by the door after a hard day at the office.

I know it does seem strange to some. It must, or we wouldn’t see so many “man bites dog” stories out of this research.

When John and I got engaged, my dad asked me, “Don’t you want to be with someone who can take care of you?” This so deeply offended me that we didn’t speak for weeks, maybe months.

I wasn’t offended by the implied dig at John’s earning potential as much as by the affront to me and my priorities. My father, a man of old-fashioned values, seemed to be implying that my job was just filling time until I could find a breadwinner mate.

I’d put myself through school and worked hard to build my career precisely because no, I did not want to be dependent on a man to provide for me.

I can bring home the (soy) bacon, fry it up in a pan ... in case the embedded video doesn't work for you, click here for a dose of '80s nostalgia from Enjoli

In the decade that’s passed, both my dad and I have come to realize that, in fact, I really do like having married someone who can take care of me, just not in the way he meant it.

John is my number one cheerleader. He also balances the checkbook, goes to the dry cleaner, coordinates with our accountant to get our taxes prepared – all the household details that I happen to be terrible at. He nags me to make my doctor’s appointments and take my vitamins, because I probably wouldn’t do either without him checking up on me.

In some ways, we’ve traded traditional marital roles, with me as the breadwinner and him tending to many of the details of running our home. But I love to cook, he’s building his art business and he retains the important guy duty of dispatching creepy crawly critters while I squeal. So it’s more a redefinition of roles than a direct trade.

Mostly it seems to work for us, though John is itching to find a day job outside the home and I sometimes long to have more time to pursue my creativity. Maybe someday we’ll make that switch, too.

I think the key to our arrangement – and hopefully the other couples studied by Pew – is communication. Regardless of who’s doing what in a marriage, it’s essential to be clear about what your needs are, for yourself and from your mate. John and I have gotten better about this with each year of marriage.

Are you in a couple where the wife earns more or has more education? How do you navigate what that means for traditional gender roles?

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My life goals in painting form

My fabulous artist husband, John Tebeau, is doing a painting of me with a few of my favorite things: friends, food, music. The central image is me with my Jazz Fest second line parasol.

After I blogged about New Year’s resolutions, several of you asked the fair question: what are MY resolutions?

The honest answer is I’m still working on my big-picture 2010 goals. I’ve started with some tactical changes: commenting on one other blog every day, doing some form of exercise every day, taking better care of my health.

I have a comprehensive vision statement that touches how I want the professional, personal, creative and relationship components of my life to fit together and I’m giving that a thorough review. We’ve been talking a lot lately about our long-term plans for our life so I’m making sure my goals document is in sync.

Meantime, John is working on a real big picture for me. It’s what he and I have called a spell painting, but you could also call it a wish painting or his interpretation of the popular vision board.

He’s doing a portrait of me surrounded by images of things I like having in my life: good food, happy music, socializing with friends, big dogs. In the center, me with my Jazz Fest parasol. It’s a visual reminder of my life priorities and what makes my heart feel good.

Like Julie Andrews singing My Favorite Things in painting form.

If you had a painting of your favorite things, what would it look like?

Sometimes it’s just about putting your butt in the chair

John and I both committed to daily creativity in November: I launched the Month of Thanksgiving with the declaration I would blog every day, and John rolled out 30 Paintings in 30 Days, in which he created a daily series of art works themed on things we love to eat and drink.

So I felt a kinship as I watched the Twitter traffic Monday night, with numerous writers declaring victory in NaNoWriMo — National Novel Writing Month, which challenges participants to write a 50,000 word novel in the 30 days of November.

Click here to learn more about NaNoWriMo. You're too late to get involved this year but you can always plan for 2010.

If you’re trying to do the math in your head, that’s around 1,700 words a day, assuming you write every single day. Take Thanksgiving off and you’re going to have some catching up to do.

On Thanksgiving, I talked to a friend of a friend who’d done a similar challenge, writing a song a day for 30 days.

Whether it’s writing, paintings, music, whatever, I think there’s a similar motive here — it’s what Anne Lamott calls “shitty first drafts” in her classic writing advice book “Bird by Bird.” If you fancy yourself a creative, you can agonize over trying to get it perfect in the first incarnation, and therefore become paralyzed by your perfectionism.

It’s what business geeks call letting great get in the way of good.

If you’re going to write 1,700 words a day, you probably need to let go of any delusion that each one will be gold. Some days you might hold your nose as you churn out slop you would be loath to let anyone else see.

That’s part of what’s liberating. If you hush the self critic and just let go, you might surprise yourself.

Some of the paintings John finished with just a few minutes before midnight turned out to be pretty beautiful.

Some of the blog posts when I started out feeling I didn’t have anything to say ended up being among my favorites.

The friend who wrote 30 songs in 30 days said he ended up with seven or eight he liked — which you could choose to see as a high failure ratio, since that means maybe 22 he didn’t. But how many musicians with day jobs can say they wrote seven or eight songs last month that they liked?

Anne Lamont says:

I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts. All right, one of them does, but we do not like her very much.

The NaNoWriMo Web site shares that philosophy:

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

Today congratulating the NaNoWriMo writers, and patting myself and John on the back, because we all gave ourselves permission to write shitty first drafts — because you miss 100 percent of the pitches you don’t swing at.

And P.S., John’s doing another 30 painting series so it can’t be that awful.

What have you done to silence your self critic and just do the thing you want to do?

Day 26: Giving thanks for my fabulous husband, John Tebeau

Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me in a Month of Thanksgiving, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.

Day 26: An open love letter to my husband, who I am beyond grateful for

Earlier this week, I wrote a post giving thanks for simple pleasures — things like Battlestar Galatica on Netflix, a chai tea latte with a shot of espresso (sounds weird, but it’s so good) and hearing a Duran Duran rerun  and finding myself singing along.

So today I switch from giving thanks for little things to big things. And I’ll start with the biggest. My husband.

John and I will celebrate our 10-year anniversary in May.

John and I are coming up on our 10-year anniversary and I’m more in love with him today than when we got married.

He’s got all the stuff you’d want in a match.com ad — he’s smart, funny, handsome, articulate.  I’m grateful I landed such a catch.

On top of that, I’m grateful for all the ways he’s made my life better. For example:

• He’s so good at helping me keep perspective. I am so type A, especially compared to my laid back artist husband, and when I get frustrated by something, he helps me remember what really matters in life. He’ll ask me whether the thing I’m freaking out about is actually worth freaking out about, and usually the answer is no.
• He’s my number one cheerleader. Whether it’s something big like finishing business school or something small like making a new recipe, I can count on John for an enthusiastic, sincere pat on the back.
• He understands what I’m good and what I’m not. For example, I hate paying bills and balancing the checkbook and he takes care of those tasks so I don’t have to.
• He pampers me and makes me feel like the center of the universe. I had a stressful day this week and he made me a dinner loaded with my comfort foods and we ate while watching an episode of Battlestar. He knows what makes me happy.
• He makes me laugh. Pretty much all the time. With John, you never know when a practical joke or a zinger is coming and that’s part of what makes life with him so fun.
• He inspires me. It’d be hard to be married to someone so creative and talented without feeling some positive peer pressure.
• 

  My husband can rock a bow tie and a seersucker suit and it totally works.

  We have fun exploring together, which expands my life experiences, whether that’s trying new restaurants or exploring new cities or new countries.

• He’s different from me in some pretty significant ways. Even when he finds that frustrating, he tells me he wouldn’t want to change me because then I wouldn’t be the woman he fell in love with. Trying to show him that same consideration has helped remind me there are many ways to see the world. It’s good for developing my patience, something the type A in me needs to practice continuously.

Being married isn’t always easy. John and I are both strong-willed — or let’s be honest, stubborn — people. Sometimes finding compromise is a lot harder than just doing it my way. Sometimes I just can’t believe he could see things any other way than mine.

That’s part of the beauty of marriage. It forces you to reexamine things you take for granted. If someone you love and respect disagrees, maybe there’s another perspective worth considering.

We’re stronger as a couple than as individuals because of that.

And c’mon, doesn’t he look awfully cute in that bowtie?