Sometimes it’s hard not to worry even when your doctors says not to worry

I have an appointment next month to get a lump removed.

I have had three doctors tell me it’s nothing to worry about so I’m trying my best not to be a drama queen about it.

It’s a challenge. My mom died of cancer at 51. Her mom died of cancer at 36. Three of my grandmother’s sisters died of cancer.

My surgeon tells me it’s quite common for women to have fatty tissue that just grows a little too quickly. In fact, he says, if it were him, he’d probably just leave the lump alone.

When my mom found her first lump, she thought it was just a swollen lymph node and her doctor sent her for a biopsy just as a precaution. Six months later she was dead. Every time I feel my lump, I don’t hear the words of my reassuring doctor. I feel the chill of losing my mom because of a lump that soon became several lumps.

Intellectually I am sure the trio of doctors are right. This little glob of fat is nothing to worry about.

But I expect I’ll be better at taking their advice once I don’t have to encounter the lump every day.

Meantime, I’ve officially entered middle age by having my first mammogram. Because if this lump has any thoughts of inviting friends to replace him, I’m not interested in being a good hostess.

I don’t find anything about my lump to be lovely … it’s going away.


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Categories: health and well being, home and family

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6 replies

  1. sending healing thoughts your way, cn

  2. I had a lump removed a few years ago that, as expected, was benign. Even without the family history, I entertained some scary thoughts. There is peace of mind in having it out, thoroughly examined and definitively determined to be harmless.

    Glad to hear you are following your instincts. Take care.

  3. Thanks, all.

    There’s so much cancer on my mom’s side of the family that getting sent to a specialist “just to be safe” was probably the scariest part.

    If it was something to worry about, I don’t think the specialist would have been so laissez faire about my decision to get it removed. It’s probably more a decision about my mental health than physical well being.

  4. Take care of yourself! I’m thinking positive thoughts for you.

  5. I know it’s scary and there is really nothing I can say that would be especially reassuring. I wish I could take it away from you, and put myself in your position.

    I have been been ready for a particularly bad diagnosis for a while now because of my past. When I first got sober I was expecting the doctor to tell me that either my liver or kidneys weren’t going to last much longer. Fortunately that wasn’t the case. But it does give me the perspective that I am just happy to have had any time at all in this new life.

  6. Glad to see you are being a proactive self-advocate. You’ll do fine.

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